[Scene: The living room, Michael is playing a video game when a shocked Ben walks in.]

Ben: Michael, what the hell is going on? I can hear gunshots sirens and agonised screams. How is this possible. Your mother's not home yet.

Michael: Sorry, it's my new game. I'll turn it down.

Ben: Oh, don't let me put you out, Mikey, please(!) And as you're in a house you don't live in, playing on a TV you don't own, can I offer you a drink you didn't actually pay for(?)

Michael: No, thanks. Scott and I are in the middle of a game.

[Mikey's statement confuses Ben, who looks around the room.]

Ben: Scott's not here, Mikey.

Michael: He's playing the same game over at our place.

Ben: Yeah? [Sits down on the sofa with Michael.]

Michael: We wanted to try multi-player so I bought another copy and brought it here. [Points to the screen.] That's his avatar right there.

Ben: Oh, my... that is... What's an avatar?

Michael: It's his virtual self. So we can interact without being in the same room.

Ben: I must get your mother one of those. [Michael grins, Ben pulls the gamecase from the sofa.] Hell Squad Seven.

Michael: It's the most realistic war simulation game ever. They did six years of research capturing every part of military and combat life. The detail is amazing.

[An explosion occurs in the game, startling Ben and Michael.]

Ben: The screen just went white. What does that mean, you're dead?

Michael: No it means I was busted for oversleeping and now i'm cleaning toilets.

Ben: War is hell, son. War is hell. Mind you, you should try marriage.

Michael: Hmm?

Ben: [mouthing] Nothing.

[Opening credits]

[Scene: The living room, Susan is on the sofa Ben walks in.]

Ben: [angry] In 25 years of dentistry, 25 years, that has to be the worst day ever! Do you know what Cavitex has got us doing now? Do you know what they've got us doing? [Ben gets two glasses of wine.] Time cards. Yes, time cards.

Susan: It's alright, I already have a glass of wine.

Ben: They're not for you.

Susan: Silly me.

Ben: [Takes a glass.] Yep, every minute of the day has to be accounted for. They've even limited our toilet breaks to 20 minutes. [Drinks.]

Susan: What takes you longer than 20 minutes?

Ben: That's beside the point. I like doing the crossword. [Notices the book Susan's reading.] Max's Magic Pickle? That's a bit heavy for you, isn't it?

Susan: For your information, your wife is about to appear on TV.

Ben: [gasps] Crimewatch?

Susan: [Gives him a firm look.] Not yet. Children's presenter.

Ben: [gasps] No.

Susan: Mmm!

Ben: Yeah?

Susan: I've been reading books to children at the library. One of the mothers heard me. Turns out she's a TV producer and she...

Ben: No! How much does it pay?

Susan: Can I tell the story my way, please?

Ben: Yep, sorry, fine. Carry on.

Susan: Thank you. Thank you. So she spotted my natural talent...

Ben: Yeah.

Susan: ..and said I would be a perfect host for her new kids breakfast show.

Ben: How much does it pay?

Susan: I don't know.

Ben: No, sorry.

Susan: I'll have my own dressing room, free travel, and a puppet sidekick which after living with you for 30 years should be a doddle.

Ben: But how much does it...? Never mind. Look, look, if this job of yours makes us rich, I can kiss those Cavitex cretins goodbye.

Susan: Ben, I know it's no fun when you think the world is against you - but it's worse hearing you whingeing about it.

Ben: It's not just me, it's all the other dentists! They can't stand cavitex and their slimeball-in-chief, Mr Griffith.

Susan: Can we skip the moaning and get to the part where you do nothing about it?

Ben: A-ha! For you information, Susan, I had organised a meeting of the South East representatives. Yes, we're gonna meet tomorrow to discuss what action we should take.

Susan: You really take your toilet breaks seriously.

Ben: Oh, yeah!

[Scene: Ben's surgeon, Ben talks to other dentists, including Roger.]

Ben: Now, I don't know about you lot but this affecting my life very negatively. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I mean, this impacting on me and my entire family.

Dentist: I think we've established you're not happy about the toilet breaks.

Ben: I'm glad to see representatives throughout the greater London area. I myself will be representing Hounslow.

Roger: What am I doing, Ben?

Ben: Who wants coffee? [The other dentists raise their hands, Roger leaves.] The real strength of this organisation lies in the individual dentists. And assembled in this room are the best and the brightest.

Roger: [outside] < Ow, ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot, hot!

Ben: Technically, he's not in the room. Individually we're just cogs in a corporate machine, but together, friends, we represent real power. The kind of power that makes a corporation like Cavitex tremble. :[The dentists nod. A thump is heard from outside.] This is the thin end of the wedge, only the beginning. [Opens the door to Roger, bringing the coffee.] What next? Cutting overtime, slashing holidays? You know, we are being squeezed like a tube of toothpaste.

Roger: [Roger chuckles.] That's very clever because we are dentists and we use toothpaste. [Gives Ben a cup of coffee.]

Ben: We're not gonna stand for it anymore, are we?

All: No!

Roger: We're with you, Ben! We're not doormats that can be stepped on!

Ben: Shut up, Roger.

Roger: Sorry, yes.

Ben: It's time for action, friends. Tonight the executive board is meeting and I suggest we crash that meeting, demand better treatment or we'll go on strike!

All: Yeah!

Ben: Yes! We're sick and tired of being pushed around.

Roger: Yes! Sorry, I thought we'd all be shouting then.

Ben: So, it's all agreed. Tonight we crash that meeting and take the suits to the cleaners!

All: Yeah!

[Phone rings.]

Roger: And that is very funny too because you DO take suits to the cleaners.

Ben: Sorry about this. [Answers his phone.] Hello? Mr Griffith. [All sigh.] Oh, really, you want to see me today? Oh, I'm afraid I' I'm very busy. You'll have to wait. Yeah, of course, yes, I' I'll just check my diary. [Chuckles with the dentists then walks into his office.] Yeah, I can be with you right away. [Walks up to his door where Roger is waiting behind.] But I demand to know what it's all about. OK, yeah, sure. You can tell me when I get there. Be fine, yeah. I'll see you in an hour. No, no, ten minutes? OK, bye, Mr Griffith.[Goes back into the dentist's room, pretending to still be calling.] Yeah, I'm very sorry but I'm not going to take this lying down. No, none of us are... We are all together! Yeah. Goodbye, sir.

Roger: You know, Ben, I can't wait to see you negociate tonight. [to the Dentists] I've got the feeling that he is a natural!

Ben: Roger, you've either got it or you haven't. [Roger chuckles.] Sorry, gotta rush. [Goes into his office and gets his coat.]

[Scene: TV studio, Susan is auditioning.]

Susan: And Max packed up his magic pickle. He knew it would be ready if the world ever needed it again. The end. [Closes the storybook.]

Producer: [Walks in clapping.] Incredible. That was absolutely incredible, Susan.

Susan: Thank you, Darci, thank you!

Darci: We were hanging on every word in the control room, weren't we, Barry?

[A Monkey puppet pops up from behind Susan.]

Barry (Dickens): [As Monkey Puppet, with a squeaky voice.] Hello!

Susan: Oh, hello. Who's this?

Barry (Dickens): I'm Dickens the Chimp. Knock knock.

Susan: Er, who's there?

Barry (Dickens): Bananas.

Susan: Er, who's there?

Barry (Dickens): Bananas.

Susan: Er, who's there?

Barry (Dickens): Bananas.

Susan: Bananas who?

Barry (Dickens): Who cares? It's bananas! Let's eat 'em! Yum yum yum!

[Barry reveals himself.]

Darci: Susan, this is Barry, he'll be playing Dickens the Chimp on the show.

Susan: [shakes Barry's hand] Oh, nice to meet you, Barry.

Barry: [still squeaky] Nice to meet you, too.

Susan: Oh, you're still in character.

Barry: No, i'm me now...

Susan: Oh.

Darci: We just need a moment, Barry.

Barry: OK, Darci. I've got a doctor's appointment today. Can I leave early.

Darci: Sure.

[Barry leaves.]

Susan: I'm excited to start work, Darci. When's my first episode due to record?

Darci: Unfortanutely, it's not that simple. There is another candidate. One of the mums from my son's school was reading and I thought she was pretty good, too. Actually, here she is right now! [Janey walks in.] Susan, meet...

Susan: Janey?

Janey: Mum?

Darci: Oh, so you two know each other?

Susan: Oh, she's my daughter.

Darci: Oh. Right, so at least someone in the family will be on TV!

Janey: Sorry, you mean it's between me and my mum?

Darci: Yes, but of course being family means that there won't be any hard feelings, will there?

[Susan and Janey chuckle, then appear awkard.]
[Scene: Mr Griffith's office, Ben walks in.]

Ben: Er, Mr Griffith?

Mr Griffith: Hello, Ben.

Ben: So...I, er, I take it you've, um, heard about our plans?

Mr Griffith: About what?

Ben: What?

Mr Griffith: What?

Ben: What?

Mr Griffith: Ben, I called you in to offer you a promotion. We have an opening for a senior personnel executive.

Ben: I don't think so. [prepares to leave] Excuse me.

Mr Griffith: No, Ben, please, just hear me out. We at head office have been keeping an eye on you. And you, sir, are a diamond in the rough.

Ben: What? Me?

Mr Griffith: You're not only the best dentist we have, but you also have the qualities that set you aside as a leader.

Ben: [Closes the door.] Really?

Mr Griffith: You have the power not only to lead, but to inspire. Your potential is limitless. Need I say more?

Ben: Can't hurt.

Mr Griffith: This will be your office. This will be your desk. Sit down, Ben. [Ben prepares to sit down on the other chair.] No.

Ben: Oh...

Mr Griffith: Try it out!

Ben: [chuckles] Oh, really, um,,, No, I... [sits on Griffith's chair]

Mr Griffith: You look pretty good behind that desk.

Ben: It feels pretty good.

Mr Griffith: You've worked hard for this, Ben.

Ben: Yeah, I have.

Mr Griffith: You deserve it.

Ben: I do.

Mr Griffith: The only thing that's missing from this table is a photograph of your family.

Ben: Or not.

Mr Griffith: So, what do you say, Ben?

Ben: Hmmmm, I'm just not sure.

Mr Griffith: Well, your salary will triple. You get your own private bathroom, company car, extended holidays...

Ben: I see. [Looks at his desk.] What's this?

Mr Griffith: Your pencil sharpener.

Ben: Ooh.

Mr Griffith: So, what do you say, Ben?

Ben: Well...

Mr Griffith: Excellent!

Ben: N...

Mr Griffith: Welcome to the Cavitex family!

Ben: Well, I thought I was already a member of the family?

Mr Griffith: Yeah, I suppose. Now take the rest of the day off, go and do some shopping.

Ben: I do.

Mr Griffith: The only thing that's missing from this table is a photograph of your family. After all, that clothing allowance won't spend itself. I'll introduce you to the rest of the team at tonight's board meeting.

Ben: Ah, that's a very funny thing because I-I was supposed to crash that board meeting tonight with a list of the dentists' demands.

Mr Griffith: Oh?

Ben: Hmm.

Mr Griffith: And what demands do they have, then?

Ben: We... Do you know, they've suddenly slipped my mind.

[They both chuckle, Ben puts his arm around Mr Griffith.]

Mr Griffith: Don't touch me.

[Scene: The living room, Michael is playing his game again as Ben walks in, wearing a suit.]

Ben: Mikey! Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!

Michael: Hey, Dad.

Ben: Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey! [Walks up to Michael, clicking.]

Michael: Hey, Dad.

Ben: Mikey, Mikey, Mickey! [Gets in Michael's way.]

Michael: Something on your mind, Dad?

Ben: Well, as you won't let it drop... you are looking at the new head of Human Resources for the Cavitex Corporation.

Michael: Don't take this the wrong way, but why you of all people?

Ben: Because Mr Griffith wanted a man not only to lead, but to inspire.

Michael: So, why didn't he hire that person?

Ben: Look out, Mikey, [Slaps Mikey's headset off.] sniper. So are you in Scott still in the thick of battle?

Michael: Actually, no, we broke up.

Ben: Really? How are you taking it, all right?

Michael: Fine. I shot him in the back of the head.

Ben: In the game?

Michael: Yeah.

Ben: Oh, thank God...

[Susan enters.]

Ben: Hey hey! Ho ho!

Michael: So? How'd it go at the TV studio, Mum? Well, it was...

Susan: Well, it was...

Ben: Oh, that's how it is, is it? When it's the tinsel and glitter of a puppet show you're all ears, but when your father becomes a corporate bigwig, you can't even be bothered.

Susan: What's he talking about?

Michael: Cavitex made Dad Head of Human Resources.

Really: Really? but he has no resources and he's barely human. [Susan and Michael laugh, as does Ben.]

Michael: I know, he's useless.

Ben: I'm still standing here, you know? [They ignore him.] Or at least I was. [Ben walks to another room.]

Michael: So, your audition went well?

Susan: Very well, very well, Michael. I'm one of two finalists.

Michael: Yeah, Janey dropped by and told me all about it. Sounds like all the ingredients of a classic mother-daughter cat fight.

Susan: Michael, please. Janey and I are beyond such things. We'll support each other in every way. [The phone rings, Susan answers.] Hello? Yes, yes, this is Susan Harper. Oh, you want to move my audition? Just let me get a pen, [walks to the Kitchen] so it's Friday instead of Thursday.

[Susan enters the Kitchen, where she finds Janey on the phone, holding her nose to disguise her voice.]

Janey: That's right, Susan. And don't be late. You wouldn't want to miss out because of a scheduling cock-up now, would you?

Susan: Janey...

Janey: Not now, Mum, I'm on the phone.

Susan: Janey!

Janey: [Holding her nose.] Got to go.

Susan: Well, if that's the calibre of your performance, I'll sail through.

Janey: Like you could do better.

Susan: I could. I could. I've been reading to kids for years.

Janey: I read to Kenzo all the time.

Susan: Clothing catalogues don't count.

Janey: Forgive me for wanting my son to know the difference between a V and crew neck jumper.

Susan: All right, then. Why do you thing you deserve this so much?

Janey: Because I'm good with kids.

Susan: Oh, yeah right(!) So, where is your own son right now?

Janey: [Tries to think, but she doesn't know.] That's not the point. What makes YOU think you deserve it?

Susan: Because I have a soothing voice and a calm persona that kids find [shouts] REALLY RELAXING!

[[[Kenzo]] walks in.]

Kenzo: What are you two shouting about?.

Janey: There he is!

[Scene: Cavitex HQ, a meeting is about to start between the dentists and the executives of Cavitex. Roger is with Ben, who is in his suit.]

Roger: Nice touch. You look really powerful.

Ben: Thank you, Roger.

Mr Griffith: Er, could you all please take your seats.

[They all sit, the dentists and executives sit on opposite sides of the table.]

Roger: So, Ben... [Finds Ben is not sitting next to him, Roger turns to see him facing him.] [mouthing] What are you doing?

Ben: [mouthing] I tried to call you.

[The dentists are shocked.]
[Scene: The kitchen, Susan is reading to Kenzo.]

Susan: And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Well? What do you think?

Kenzo: I like the monkey.

Susan: It's not the real one, I just have it there to capture the mood.

Kenzo: Monkeys are funny.

Susan: But who do you think I read the story?

Kenzo: Maybe if I had [points to his bowl] a bit more ice cream...

Susan: I've already given you three bowls and the most constructive thing you said is, "Monkeys are funny." It's going to take a lot more than that to get bowl number four young man

Kenzo: OK, your eyes are darting, your page turns are way too loud and that non-stop smile - it's really creeping me out. Do I stop there or do you want more help?

[Susan gives Kenzo a firm stare.]
[Scene: Cavitex HQ, the meeting betweeen the dentists and the executives is going on.]

Mr Griffith: And now I'd like to introduce our new head of Human Resources, Mr Ben Harper.

[The Executives clap, while the dentists boo.]

Roger: Shame, shame!

Jonathan: [Gets up.] May I just say, we have some genuine grievances we would like to see addressed. We're not going to lie down and let you lot ride roughshod over...

Roger: Please, please, please, Jonathan. [Jonathan sits down.] In Ben's absence, I would like to handle this. [Gets up.] You have a list of our demands. I would respectfully encourage you to take them seriously. If you don't, we will walk. So, please... kindly give us what we want. Please... Thank you. [Sits down.]

Ben: What? What's the matter?

Mr Griffith: Well, I'm unsure how to handle his excessively polite demands.

Ben: Yes... Look, leave him to me. I'll handle this.

Cavitex Executive: Are you sure, Ben? A few hours ago, these people were your friends.

Ben: Sure, but then you people gave me a shed load of money. Come on, try and keep up.

Roger: Tick-tock, people. Either meet our demands or we strike.

Ben: Well that's pretty big talk coming from a man who sleeps with a teddy bear.

Roger: That's not true.

Ben: Oh, no. 'Course, two teddy bears now, isn't it?

Roger: Mr Teddy recently got hitched, yes, but that's irrelevant. We're here to demand satisfaction. So what's it going to be? Yes, or no.

Ben: [irate] THE ANSWER IS NO! [Ben hits the table, making everyone startled.] NO! [Hits the table.] NO! [Hits the table.] NO! [Hits the table.] And if you don't like it, you can go on strike! And if you go on strike, we'll lock you out! OK? [The dentists all leave.] Go on, go on, go on, on your bikes! Get out, good riddance! Go on, out! Out! [Looks proud, then notices the executives' shocked faces.] What? [to Griffith] Well, I'm head of Human Resources, aren't I?

[Mr Griffith sighes.]
[Scene: The living room, Susan and Ben are on the sofa.]

Susan: Can you believe that little ingrate, Janey?

Ben: Roger's pathetic demands are an insult.

Susan: Competing against her own mother for a job.

Ben: They're getting more than they deserve already.

Susan: I've given that girl everything, and can she give me this one little thing? No!

Ben: If these proles think they can get something by this strike, they're mad.

Susan: And then, trying to trick me into showing up late.

Ben: I think we should just hire scabs and let them take over.

Susan: It's like she's become a different person. Actually, no, it's typical Janey.

Ben: I mean, it's dentistry, not rocket science.

Susan: I'm not letting her waltz in, wiggle her bottom and snatch away something that's rightfully mine. I can't.

Both: I won't.

Ben: [pause] D'you know, I'm really glad we can still talk like this, you know.

Susan: Me too.

[They kiss, Susan gets up and leaves. Ben hears some scrapping.]

Ben: Su... [Ben gets up and spots a light from a torch, he turns the light off and gets a golf club. He opens the door to reveal Roger.] Roger? What the hell are you doing?

Roger: Oh...hello, Ben. I was, er, just out for a stroll... and I needed to jot down a few thoughts.

Ben: In spray paint? On my door?

Roger: Oh, I'm sorry, Ben. [Walks in.] They sent me over here to vandalise your house.

Ben: They what? [Gets angry, raising his club.]

Roger: We just don't understand why you've betrayed us.

Ben: Oh, Roger, Roger, Roger... I can't believe you haven't figured it out yet. I haven't betrayed you.

Roger: You haven't?

Ben: No. Come on, I took this job to win their trust, so I could report everything back to you guys, you know? I mean, eh, I can do more damage from the inside.

Roger: That makes a lot of sense.

Ben: I'm telling you.

Roger: You are a true friend, Ben.

Ben: No. Come on, Rog, let's go in the kitchen, have a cup of cocoa and tell me all the strategies you dentists have planned. [They walk into the kitchen.] Like a fish in a barrel.

[Scene: TV studio, Darci addresses Susan and Janey.]

Darci: OK, let's get started then, shall we? Um, unfortunately, Barry the puppeteer has damaged his vocal cords doing his Dickens.

'Susan: [sarcasticaly] Well, that's not surprising. That voice is such a departure for him.

Darci: And I thought, just for fun, you two could take turns playing Dickens while the other reads a story. Is that OK?

Susan: Fine.

Janey: No problem.

Darci: Right, OK. I'll leave you to it then. Good luck. [Leaves]

[Susan and Janey walk over to the set. Janey hands Susan the Dickens the Chimp puppet.]

Susan: Thank you.

[Janey sits down, while Susan hides behind a prop fence, holding the puppet.]

Darci: Ready, guys? > [Janey nods.] And action! >

Janey: Hello, children. Today, Dickens and I are going to read the story, Pancho the Field Mouse.

Susan (Dickens): [As Dickens, with a squeaky voice.] It's pronounced Poncho.

Janey: Thank you, Dickens.

Susan (Dickens): Just trying not to make you look stupid.

[Scene: Ben's new office. Ben is growing bored.]
[Ben spins around in his chair. He feels a crystal ball on his desk. He then feels a pad and moves it. He takes a pencil out and presses the tip, then puts it in the sharpener. He puts his finger on the tip then blows on it. Ben gets up and turns to a painting of a cartoon Polar Bear, and throws his fourth pencil at it à la darts. He sits down and takes a pen out, he puts it in the sharpener, causing it to be ripped apart.]

Ben: OK, that'll be lunch. [Ben hears a knock at the door. Ben quickly takes the pencils out of the painting. Mr Griffith walks in.]

Mr Griffith: How's it going, Ben?

Ben: Good, just keeping on top of things.

Mr Griffith: Well, you're doing a great job. Keep it up.

Ben: Thank you.

Mr Griffith: [Prepares to leave, but stops.] Oh...while I'm here... [shuts the door] ..I understand that you and Roger Bailey had a little chat last night. Any interesting information come out of that?

Ben: Actually, it did, yes. But, Mr Griffith, I think I'd better be honest with you, I'm not entirely happy with this position. [The chair lowers.]

Mr Griffith: How do you mean?

Ben: Well, when I, when I accepted this post, I, um, thought I had something to offer, you know? Something more meaningful. And if you think I'm going to sit around all day, twiddling my thumbs, cashing cheques and acting as your mole, you don't know the real Ben Harper.

Mr Griffith: I'll give you a £20,000 a year raise.

Ben: It's a picket line, Thursday 10am, 100 people, financially they can't make it past next Tuesday and I'm going to need more pencils. Oh, and, er, [Shows Griffith his broken pen.] a pen.

Mr Griffith: Excellent work, Ben. Let's discuss the details over a drink.

Ben: Drink? At this time of the morning, good God! [Gets up.] It's only half past ten.

Mr Griffith: You have the power not only to lead, but to inspire. Your potential is limitless. Need I say more?

Mr Griffith: [chuckles] You have so much to learn about executive life! [Prepares to put his hand around Ben.]

Ben: Don't touch me.

[Mr Griffith smiles and leaves.]
[Scene: TV studio, Susan is reading the story, while Janey is Dickens now.]

Darci: And...action.

Susan: Are you sitting comfortably? [The puppet nods.] Then I'll begin. Once upon a time there was a man named Mr Giggles. Mr Giggles loved to giggle. He giggled in the morning. He giggled in the afternoon. He ggigle in the eve...

Janey (Dickens): [As Dickens, with a squeaky voice. Yawns.] Glad somebody's having a good time.

Susan: Mr Giggles could never forget the one day he didn't giggle. [Dickens sniffs.] That was the day...

Janey (Dickens): Pooey!

Susan: That was the day Mr Giggles broke his spine in three places.

Janey (Dickens): It doesn't say that.

Susan: Oh, yes, it does. Right here.

[Susan points to the book, Dickens looks. Susan closes the book on the puppet's face.]

Janey (Dickens): Ow!

Susan: Don't interrupt! [Releases Dickens. And smiles at the camera.] [Janey rubs Dickens across Susan.] Mr Giggles awoke to find that his heater had broken. This...

Janey (Dickens): Sorry. Just grooming.

Susan: I'll groom you, you little...

[Janey pulls Dickens off Janey's hand.]

Janey (Dickens): Ow, my neck!.

Susan: You're this close to me performing animal experimentation. [Throws the puppet away.]

Janey: [Gets up.] Don't take it out on the monkey!

Susan: I wasn't talking about the monkey. When I'm finished with you, you'll be sucking bananas through a straw.

Janey: It'd be the best meal you've ever made!

Susan: You're not too old to put you over my knee, young lady!

Janey: Oh, try it, Grandma!.

[Darci walks in, finding a torn Dickens on the floor. She sees Susan with Janey over her knee, spanking her.]

Susan: So which one of us got it?

[Scene: Cavitex HQ, Roger is making a statement to the dentists and Executives.]

Roger: In light of our inability to reach an agreement, the dentists' union will return to work under the terms dictated by Cavitex.

Mr Griffith: Excellent, Roger. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Roger: You gave me this to read.

Mr Griffith: Yes, so I did. Well, let's make it nice and official, shall we?

Ben: Yes, of course, sir. [Gets up.] Now, I have the relevant paperwork here if you'd like to hand it around. [Hands sheets to the dentists.] One for you lot, there. [Hands a sheet to Mr Griffith.] And of course, for you, sir, if you would just sign here... [Points to the sheet with his borken pen.] Oh, yes... And here.

Roger: Know this, Ben Harper, whatever friendship we once shared is well and truly over.

Ben: Oh, stop it, Roger, I can't keep taking the good news.

Mr Griffith: [chuckles] Well done, Ben. By breaching their original contract, all these dentists have forfeited their bonus, their holiday pay and their built-in salary increase.

Ben: Perfect ending to the perfect day.

Mr Griffith: So, what do you say, Ben?

Mr Griffith: Oh, before you go, [Gets up.] I have some news for you.

Ben: Ah, my pencils have arrived?

Mr Griffith: Not quite, no. You're sacked. Your position has been eliminated.

Ben: What? But you can't sack me, I'm head of Human Resources.

Mr Griffith: Well, you can sack yourself if you like, but the result will be the same.

Ben: But you can't throw me back to the dental dogs. Look at them. [The camera shows some pissed off dentists.] They'll eat me alive..

Mr Griffith: Weird, huh? [Sits down.]

Ben: Well, that's it, is it? You give 48 hours of your life to a company and this is how you get treated? Fine. All right, I'm going. I shall go back to my office and collect my thing. [Prepares to go then stops.] Before I go, sir, could I draw your attention to the contract you've all just signed. Particularly clause 13, subsection Z?

Mr Griffith: What are you talking about?

Ben: Well, as head of Human Resources, I thought we'd get back to basics. We're a dental company, right?

Mr Griffith: Right...

Ben: And as such, dental surgery should be our main priority. So all those qualified to perform dentistry, raise your hands. [Ben and the dentists raise their hands.] Good. And all those not qualified to perform dental surgery, raise yours. [Mr Griffith and the executives raise their hands.] Now use those hands to wave. [They wave.] Goodbye. You're sacked.

Mr Griffith: [Gets up.] What are you talking about?

Ben: You see, I got bored sharpening pencils, so I spent a little time adjusting the contracts. [Mr Griffith tries to take the contract, but Ben hands it to Roger.]

Mr Griffith: You're joking.

Ben: Little tip. Never sign a contract without reading the small print and never call a late-night phone-in using your wife's credit card.

Mr Griffith: What?

Ben: Sorry. That's a...thing for me. OK guys, come on, let's hit the bar.

Dentist: Yes!

Mr Griffith: Ben, you can't do this. This'll finish all of us.

Ben: Weird, huh?

Roger: Ben! [Raises his arms to hug Ben.]

Ben: Don't touch me.

[The dentists leave. Mr Griffith sits down and cries.]
[Scene: The living room, Ben walks in as Michael gets his bag.]

Ben: Hey, Mikey! How's it going, boy?

Michael: Dad, this has been such an amazing day!

Ben: Yeah?

Michael: I was out walking...

Ben: Hmm.

Michael: ...when these five guys came out of nowhere and jumped on top of me.

Ben: What you do in your spare time, Mikey, is your own business.

Michael: In the game, Dad.

Ben: Hmm.

Michael: I thought I was a dead man. But then Scott burst in, blew them away and had us both airlifted to safety! And all without a single scratch on my character's health points!

Ben: Mikey, this guy Scott's a keeper!

Michael: I know. [walks off]

Ben: What a loser. [Susan walks in from the kitchen.] Hey!

Susan: How's my favourite executive?

Ben: Great! [Kisses Susan.] I got sacked.

Susan: You don't seem overly bothered.

Ben: No, I got my old job back. And I got Griffith to sign a contract agreeing to new benefits including more money and extended toilet breaks.

Susan: How much more?

Ben: Ten minutes. I get to play sudoku as well.

Susan: I was talking about the money but, hey, well done! Well, I have a surprise for you too. Janey got the TV job.

Ben: [shocked] No!

Susan: I have the disk of her first show right here.

Ben: Well, you don't seem overly worried about it?

Susan: Well, I'm proud of her. She had an easy way out but instead she fought hard for it. Literally.

Ben: Good for her. Uh huh.

Susan: She showed real spirit and, you know what, in the end, I think she got everything she deserved.

[Susan turns on the TV where Barry is reading the story.]

Barry: Hello, children. Are you ready for another story, Dickens?

Janey (Dickens): I sure am, Barry. Today's story is Mr Giggle's Very Bad Day.

[Susan is smiling, though Ben is confused.]

Ben: [pause] Where's Janey?

Susan: [points] She's the monkey.

Ben: [smiles] [pause] Monkey's are funny.

[Susan notices Ben repeating Kenzo's previous statement.]
[End credits.]

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